What we hold

^^^ (view from my window.) 

I am here now, sitting on my bed, looking out the window. It’s a sunny Saturday in January. Outside, people are wearing Patriots sweatshirts, buying cases of beer and bags of tortilla chips, wondering what’s going to happen next.

We took our decorations down on Tuesday. I wrapped the ornaments in newspapers and placed the wooden nutcrackers into cardboard boxes. My roommates placed our tree on the cold sidewalk next to the trash bins and swept up the pine needles from the floor. The week went on with its post vacation ups-and-downs. A realization came to me, hard and spontaneously, as Monday became Tuesday and Tuesday became Wednesday: that the beginning of the year, despite its youth, is just like any other span of time, and we, despite our hopes to be otherwise, are still ourselves within it.

In short, this week brought moments of doubt and crankiness, as I continued to wedge my way out of the holidays. Here are a few things that helped me to get over myself, which may be helpful to you, too.

·      I wrote a few weeks ago about having a very Mary-focused Advent season, thanks mostly to following this blog, by a lovely woman who I originally found because of her broccoli hummus. Her name is Sarah. She lives in Washington State with two kids and a husband, and had a very Mary-focused Advent as well. After the holidays ended, she reflected on what the scene must have looked like in the days after Jesus’ birth (the crying and throw up, the mass exodus of guests, etc.). Imagining how it all played out, its frustration and confusion and moments of unexpected joy, gave me comfort. Here we all are, just like Mary was with her new baby boy, facing our new and old realities, and doing our best.

·      As last year came to a close I thought about how I’d made very few surface-level moves throughout 2014. Around me friends got married, cousins started law firms and became VP’s, acquaintances closed on houses and learned to maintain their yards. It’s hard to resist stacking all of these things up not feel small in the shadow. But, reading this article on the epiphany reminded me where our hope and our worth are rooted, and its not in our milestones or accomplishments. Kathleen Hirsch reflects upon the Magi, the people underneath the outfits and the gifts, who believed deeply in human goodness and our ability to keep getting closer to it. “Reality is hard for us,” she writes. The desire to be successful intoxicates us. Maybe all we really need to do is let go. 

·      Real Simple magazine came yesterday (!!!) with its pink letters and white background, its suggestions for user-friendly houseplants and winter-afternoon soups. In it, editor Kristin Van Ogtrop talks about her role. She writes: “One of the best things about being a magazine editor is that you spend your days learning exactly how much you don’t know, and then you work really hard to overcome your stupidity.” She goes on to describe the scene in their office as the team brainstormed for this month’s cover story and identified a subject they knew nothing about (metabolism).  What an opportunity it was, she reflects, going on that journey together, and what a wonderful article it made in the end! (I am unable to find the link…) I guess that’s the most beautiful about life—all of the chances we have to discover what we don’t know and learn more.

So, that’s that for now. Let us keep going forward, into these bright and cold winter days. Let us be gentle. Let us be open. Let us recognize all of the gifts we already hold.

(And let’s go Pats J.)